Caregiver New Year Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
Like most caregivers, I always wanted to be the "best," yet I knew
I fell short. There is no way that I know of to be a perfect
caregiver. The needs of any care receiver can change subtly, in a
flash. We can miss signals, or just be so tired and stressed we
know we can't deliver everything needed, no matter how hard we try.
That can bring on a huge case of unearned,
caregiver guilt. Most of you have been there.
My thought is that we can look at the shiny New Year with fresh
eyes, even though that freshness may only last a moment. What will
it hurt? We already know reality will arrive soon enough. That's
okay.
Let's make a list of New Year's resolutions and pretend we'll keep
them. Progress is good, even though we won't ever achieve
perfection.
New Year's Resolutions to Consider
-
I give myself permission to not keep the resolutions I am now
making, or to keep them only part way.
-
When I feel I am imperfect, I will remember that guilt is not an
option, as long as I know I did the best I could with the
knowledge I had.
-
I will find time alone for myself, even though that seems
impossible. That may mean asking for help from people I've never
considered.
-
I will say no to requests for my time when I know I can't do more
than I am already doing, no matter how deserving the person or
agency.
-
I will remember that family members and friends who are not care
receivers deserve some of my time, which may mean a little less
time for the care receiver.
-
I will carry through with my own health care appointments and
screenings, including dental and eyes.
-
I will find a way to monitor my own energy levels so I can renew
myself before I hit "exhaustion
and burnout."
-
I will remember that getting advice from agencies such as the
National Family Caregivers Support Program is a sign of strength,
not weakness.
-
I will remember that my care receiver didn't choose the illness
or disability that he or she is living with.
-
I will remember that I didn't choose this life for him or her,
either, so I won't be a martyr to that person's illness.
-
I will remember that taking care of my own needs isn't selfish.
Statistics show that 30 percent or more of the caregivers die
before those they care for. Taking care of myself is necessary
for everyone.
-
I will get appropriate help for myself if depression or other
mental health issues become apparent to friends and family.
-
I will be open to alternative ways of caring for myself. This
can include massage, aroma therapy (lavender or another
relaxing scent sprinkled on a pillow or in a soothing bath)
and/or some form of meditation. Meditation, from quiet time
outdoors, reading inspirational material or sitting quietly,
breathing deeply and clearing the mind have been shown in
studies to improve mental and physical health.
This is a start. What can you add? Which "resolutions" would you
delete? If you copy off this list, and put it in a document on your
computer, you can whack away at will, laugh at the suggestions that
seem impossible, and add your own. Even if that is all the farther
you get with taking a look at the New Year through different eyes,
you will probably have gained a little insight into your situation.
Happiness isn't about perfection, it's about having reachable
expectations. We all have room to adjust our expectations to more
closely match reality if we try, and just that change can help us
have a happier year as we face our challenges. I wish you and your
loved ones well.